


I'm Waiting

by the_trixster_and_the_fallen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, FWB, Friends With Benefits, Hurt, M/M, Moving On, One-Sided Love, Sastiel - Freeform, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 08:27:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21407182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_trixster_and_the_fallen/pseuds/the_trixster_and_the_fallen
Summary: What really happened after the episode 15x03.Pairing: Sastiel (SamxCas)They stare, lost in each others’ gaze. One they only held in secret for each other behind closed doors. Both using each other to find comfort when they needed it. It started after Gabriel's’ death, then the loss of his grace, the numerous times Dean hurt Cas; the loss of Eileen. With each heartbreak, they were there for each other. Picking up the pieces, filling the hole that was missing. It was a quiet, unspoken agreement.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	I'm Waiting

**Author's Note:**

> 15x03 broke my heart. I'm sure it was the same for so many others. There was so much raw emotion and it just...devastated me. I wrote this, rewrote it. Waited a few weeks and am just posting it now. I hope you enjoy it. A bit of angsty sastiel smut.

Cas was shaking; not from the feverish wind or the winter air as he slams the bunker door behind him, but rather from what had just befallen. He had only met Deans gaze for a steely moment before uttering words that would haunt the angel until his last breath, “It’s time for me to move on.” 

He didn’t want to leave, and it’s not like that was a new realisation for him. He was simply tired. Tired of being treated like Deans’ pet, tired of being blamed. He knew deep down he deserved better. Each time he crawled back into their lives on his knees, but not this time. 

He took a moment, leaning against the brick wall beside the entrance. His body felt heavy, knees weak and power drained. He had money, but not enough to get very far. With slightly blurred vision and a heavy, hurt expression shrouding his features he gathered his bearing enough to begin making his way up the stairs. 

“Cas-” He knew who it was before he turned around. The pain thick in his voice.

The angel tilts his head to meet Sams’ dark eyes. They were still red rimmed and Cas felt an ache in his chest. 

“Sam-” 

“I know, I know you need to do this.” He says quietly, making his way up the few stairs between them. Cas lifted his gaze and even without his old, perfect angelic vision, he could still make out Sams’ matching expression.

Both hurt. Both blaming themselves. 

Cas reaches up for a moment, hesitant and unsure as his fingers ever so gently graze the slight stubble that prickles at Sams’ chin. 

“I’m so sorry-” Cas breathes out but Sam cuts him off with a slightly harsh don’t. The air ushered around them, their beating hearts slow and in sync as the world around them becomes nothing but white noise. 

They stare, lost in each others’ gaze. One they only held in secret for each other behind closed doors. Both using each other to find comfort when they needed it. It started after Gabriels’ death, then the loss of his grace, the numerous times Dean hurt Cas; the loss of Eileen. With each heartbreak, they were there for each other. Picking up the pieces, filling the hole that was missing. It was a quiet, unspoken agreement. 

It was always behind closed doors, bathroom stalls, alleyways. Whenever they needed it. How ever they needed it. No questions asked.  
And now they stand here, on the steps in front of the bunker. Apocalypse looming; Deans rejection and Rowenas’ death haunting them both. 

Sam was the first to act, taking a hold of Cas’ tan jacket and pulls him in; the kiss soft and experimental like they hadn’t done this thousands of times before. 

Cas reacted, his hands slipping from the stubble and tangling in his mess of hair. The kiss became more feverish and desperate; a battle for dominance. Tongues on tongues, hands dropping to roam the familiar terrain of each others’ bodies and the hot air that was growing thicker between their lips. 

The angel lifted his palm, the pathetic amount of grace that was left looming on his fingertips as he routinely presses it against Sams’ chest without hesitation.

The hunter catches his wrist, gently pushing it away.

“Don’t fix me.” Sam growls lowly, that animalistic heat he keeps buried down inside him pooling to the surface. Cas felt his breath hitch for a moment, gathering enough of himself to argue back.

“Let me.” 

“Let us…. Be broken together. Just for a moment.” He grabbed a hold of Cas’ waist, pinning him with his hips; pressing the angels’ back against the cool metal railing. He meets his lips again, this time less desperate and more searching. Cas reaches for the rail, pulling himself to sit up on it despite the awkward slant. His thighs rest of Sams’ waist, their bodies pressed impossibly close.

There was too many clothes between them. There was usually a raw craving between them; for Cas to feel vulnerable while Sam took charge. Naked power, loud cries of pleasure and ripped sheets. 

But out here in the open, they would have to settle with what they had. Cas’ reached for Sams zipper, his hand groping at the familiar heat. Almost on instinct, Sam lets out a deep moan of approval, one that could shake mountains. His lips found Cas’ jawline, sucking and biting along the sensitive skin as his hand worked to free Cas as well. The angels’ hand wrapped around both cocks, his hips pushing up against Sams as muffled moans spill from his tight lips. Eyes closed, hand working faster.

It was a familiar lust, clawing at his stomach. An undying flame of passion that sparked between them as they work to smother their intense pain in a moment of pleasure. 

Sam came, a deep throated groan against Cas’ ear and the angel followed behind. Their hot mess mingled on Cas’ hand. It was usually followed with a show; Cas licking his hand clean before dropping to his knees to service Sam. 

But tonight was different. They both meet each others’ gaze for a moment, no words shared as their clammy foreheads pressed together. In an instant, Cas clears the mess with grace. They gently push themselves away, zips back up like nothing had happened. 

Sams’ lips find Cas again, this time slow and intimate. A rarity between them. He pulls away just enough to reach for his pocket and fish out his wallet. 

Cas was going to object but the look in Sams’ eyes told him not to bother. He gently pushes some notes into Cas’ trenchcoat pocket, reaching up for a moment to fix his tie.

“Look after yourself Cas. I will be here if you need me.” He murmurs, his hand lifting to gently smooth out his tangled mess of hair.

“You too, Sam.” And with that, the warmth is gone and Cas is once again alone. But this time he is more sure than before. He needs to do this, for himself.


End file.
